Natural Hair Journey
Know Thyself, you come from a long line of strength, honor, beauty and intellect.
First, let me say that choosing to refrain from a chemical relaxer and going back to the natural state of hair is a personal choice and does not reflect the knowledge or lack thereof of the consciousness and pride of your culture or personal roots. I am just sharing my personal journey and why I chose to embrace my natural hair.
I have been natural and relaxer-free for a little over a year; my journey began not necessarily because of the current trend of women embracing their natural hair although it played a part. but because of the place I was in my life. In a woman's life there will be times when she will reflect on her stages of accomplishment and growth, then measure it with the present course of her life. For instance, some of us have goals to be married at a certain time, some have a goal of excelling in their career by a certain point, and others plan when to have kids and how many...etc. For some, these thoughts will occur in the late twenties, thirties, forties and so forth. Well, I was at the stage of reflecting on my life, the choices I made the whys and how come and where do I go from here?
How do I live out the rest of my life from a standpoint of spiritual growth as it pertains to my environment, my life, my people and how do I give back? What can I pass on that I have learned through my experiences and wisdom? By now, I have grandchildren, my three sons are grown, married with children of their own and I began to think of a legacy. After the death of my Father in 2014, these thoughts came to a head and I decided to make some changes in my life. I decided to dig deep within myself and I pulled out some lingering baggage that I still needed to work on within myself concerning my Father, accepting myself as a black woman in a culture that does not embrace or hold to equal standards of who I am as a black woman. Who was I on a spiritual level? Also due to some new information I was receiving I wondered about what I had been taught about my people throughout history. In seeking these answers I went on a quest to know more about African American history as it pertain to our true heritage and history.
As I research the true history of our people there was a transformation of my soul taking place. I had to dig deep within myself to understand how I got away from being true to my culture, the changes were so subtle I hadn't even realize how my thoughts, my ideology, my perception had been altered to believe that my standard of who I was literally was influenced by European standards. I grew up in the seventies; it was a time when we wore our afros proudly, when we weren't embarrassed to be seen with kinky, curly or nappy hair. When the music I enjoyed was soulful and the dances were distinctive to our people. When there was a true love for each other and pride in our communities, celebration of art, style and our culture.
Somehow between then and now we have lost all connections to what made us unique as a people. So as I read of the accomplishments of our people in history outside of the negative imagery mainstream media, movies, books and TV has defined for us and what and who we are as a people I became empowered with that knowledge. I was learning the truths that have been hidden from us. Our history goes far beyond what we have learned in the month of February (Black History Month) or the typical people brought up in public school history class. As I sought more knowledge and awareness of our true heritage, a sense of pride began to arise in me. I found out that there were Kings and Queens in our distant history.
We were (are) mathematicians, scientists, philosophers, builders of empires etc. I learned that I do have a magnificent history that is separate from European History....it is my OWN history. As I came into all this knowledge I was also in the process of growing out my relaxed hair, it had been several months and I was at the ugly stage. You know, the perm/relaxer is a few inches at the tip of your hair strands leaving the wavy straight ends and three or more inches of natural nappy hair at the roots. We, who have been there or those who are already there know what I'm talking about! :)
I took a look in the mirror and I was embarrassed, still suffering from the remnants of social programming I began to get a little discouraged. I called my sister who had already been natural a year or so. She also went through the same emotions and she said to me.....
“You have to change your thought processes, for over thirty years your hair has been relaxed and you have to get to a point of loving and accepting your natural hair. You haven't seen it in thirty years, its new, it seems unnatural. You have to change your thinking from the inside out, when you look in the mirror, don't see what you been told is nappy, unsightly, course and unmanageable hair. You have to relearn how to take care of and be comfortable with your hair, realize it is a necessary part of you."
How strange when you have been brainwashed to believe your natural hair is ugly, embarrassing, and unacceptable. You literally have to retrain your mind of the stereotypical messages indoctrinated into our psyche of what is beautiful and acceptable in our eyes concerning us. Once you conquer this perception you will see the beauty of what is unequivocally a part of us, our naturally course, and nappy hair. It is what distinguishes us from other nationalities. The sad part about it is, not only have we been programmed to feel that way about our natural hair, but we are teaching our daughters to perpetuate that same thinking.
I did go back to a relaxer once, a few months before I spoke with my sister, but after my conversation with her I decided to stick with it, it had become more of a matter of principle then. I changed my thinking, I chose my standard of beauty within myself, I chose to embrace my gorgeous nappy hair and I grew to love it, every strand from the roots to the tips. I experimented with different hair care products teaching myself how to moisturize and keep it conditioned. Ultimately, on my 4c hair, I settled on virgin coconut oil to moisturize, water and aloe misting, Carol's Daughter black vanilla sulfate-free shampoo and Carol's Daughter Monoi repairing hair mask. In a year, I went from 2 and 1/2 inches of hair growth to a total of 7 inches.
It’s been well over a year now since I have been wearing my hair natural and I don't regret one bit of my journey to get where I am at today. There is nothing wrong with following a trend or style, but as black women we have too long allowed society's standard of beauty to dictate what makes us beautiful. We have to embrace what makes us naturally beautiful, our nappy hair, our full lips, curvaceous hips and everything that makes us unique as beautiful black woman. I have chosen a journey of self-discovery that has enhanced me physically, spiritually and most importantly has change my mindset to who I am as a better person, a woman and a spiritual being.
My spiritual walk is also an important part of this transitional period in my life, which is another story to tell as I share a little more about myself in my upcoming posts, until then ladies....natural or relaxed, be true to you!
If you have a natural hair journey to share? Please do....
We were (are) mathematicians, scientists, philosophers, builders of empires etc. I learned that I do have a magnificent history that is separate from European History....it is my OWN history. As I came into all this knowledge I was also in the process of growing out my relaxed hair, it had been several months and I was at the ugly stage. You know, the perm/relaxer is a few inches at the tip of your hair strands leaving the wavy straight ends and three or more inches of natural nappy hair at the roots. We, who have been there or those who are already there know what I'm talking about! :)
I took a look in the mirror and I was embarrassed, still suffering from the remnants of social programming I began to get a little discouraged. I called my sister who had already been natural a year or so. She also went through the same emotions and she said to me.....
“You have to change your thought processes, for over thirty years your hair has been relaxed and you have to get to a point of loving and accepting your natural hair. You haven't seen it in thirty years, its new, it seems unnatural. You have to change your thinking from the inside out, when you look in the mirror, don't see what you been told is nappy, unsightly, course and unmanageable hair. You have to relearn how to take care of and be comfortable with your hair, realize it is a necessary part of you."
How strange when you have been brainwashed to believe your natural hair is ugly, embarrassing, and unacceptable. You literally have to retrain your mind of the stereotypical messages indoctrinated into our psyche of what is beautiful and acceptable in our eyes concerning us. Once you conquer this perception you will see the beauty of what is unequivocally a part of us, our naturally course, and nappy hair. It is what distinguishes us from other nationalities. The sad part about it is, not only have we been programmed to feel that way about our natural hair, but we are teaching our daughters to perpetuate that same thinking.
I did go back to a relaxer once, a few months before I spoke with my sister, but after my conversation with her I decided to stick with it, it had become more of a matter of principle then. I changed my thinking, I chose my standard of beauty within myself, I chose to embrace my gorgeous nappy hair and I grew to love it, every strand from the roots to the tips. I experimented with different hair care products teaching myself how to moisturize and keep it conditioned. Ultimately, on my 4c hair, I settled on virgin coconut oil to moisturize, water and aloe misting, Carol's Daughter black vanilla sulfate-free shampoo and Carol's Daughter Monoi repairing hair mask. In a year, I went from 2 and 1/2 inches of hair growth to a total of 7 inches.
It’s been well over a year now since I have been wearing my hair natural and I don't regret one bit of my journey to get where I am at today. There is nothing wrong with following a trend or style, but as black women we have too long allowed society's standard of beauty to dictate what makes us beautiful. We have to embrace what makes us naturally beautiful, our nappy hair, our full lips, curvaceous hips and everything that makes us unique as beautiful black woman. I have chosen a journey of self-discovery that has enhanced me physically, spiritually and most importantly has change my mindset to who I am as a better person, a woman and a spiritual being.
My spiritual walk is also an important part of this transitional period in my life, which is another story to tell as I share a little more about myself in my upcoming posts, until then ladies....natural or relaxed, be true to you!
If you have a natural hair journey to share? Please do....
*Shalom
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